Researchers
have found that an in-love brain looks very different from one experiencing
mere lust, and it's also unlike a brain of someone in a long-term, committed
relationship. Studies led by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers
University and one of the leading experts on the biological basis of love, have
revealed that the brain's "in love" phase is a unique and
well-defined period of time, and there are 13 telltale signs that you're in it.
1. "This one's
special"
When
you're in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique. The belief is
coupled with an inability to feel romantic passion for anyone else. Fisher and
her colleagues believe this single-mindedness results from elevated levels of
central dopamine — a chemical involved in attention and focus — in your brain.
2. "She's
perfect"
People
who are truly in love tend to focus on the positive qualities of their beloved,
while overlooking his or her negative traits. They also focus on trivial events
and objects that remind them of their loved one, day-dreaming about these
precious little moments and mementos. This focused attention is also thought to
result from elevated levels of central dopamine, as well as a spike in central
norepinephrine, a chemical associated with increased memory in the presence of
new stimuli.
3. "I'm a
wreck!"
As
is well known, falling in love often leads to emotional and physiological
instability. You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy,
sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated
breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your
relationship suffers even the smallest setback. These mood swings parallel the
behavior of drug addicts. And indeed, when in-love people are shown pictures of
their loved ones, it fires up the same regions of the brain that activate when a
drug addict takes a hit. Being in love, researchers say, is a form of
addiction.
4. "Overcoming the
challenge made us closer"
Going
through some sort of adversity with another person tends to intensify romantic
attraction. Central dopamine may be responsible for this reaction, too, because
research shows that when a reward is delayed, dopamine-producing neurons in the
mid-brain region become more productive.
5. "I'm obsessed
with him"
People
who are in love report that they spend, on average, more than 85 percent of
their waking hours musing over their "love object." Intrusive
thinking, as this form of obsessive behavior is called, may result from
decreased levels of central serotonin in the brain, a condition that has been
associated with obsessive behavior previously.
6. "I wish we could
be together all the time"
People
in love regularly exhibit signs of emotional dependency on their relationship,
including possessiveness, jealousy, fear of rejection, and separation anxiety.
7. "I hope we stay
together forever"
They
also long for emotional union with their beloved, seeking out ways to get
closer and day-dreaming about their future together.
8. "I'd do anything
for her"
People
who are in love generally feel a powerful sense of empathy toward their
beloved, feeling the other person's pain as their own and being willing to sacrifice
anything for the other person.
9. "Would he like
this outfit?"
Falling
in love is marked by a tendency to reorder your daily priorities and/or change
your clothing, mannerisms, habits or values in order for them to better align
with those of your beloved.
10. "Can we be
exclusive?"
Those
who are deeply in love typically experience sexual desire for their beloved,
but there are strong emotional strings attached: The longing for sex is coupled
with possessiveness, a desire for sexual exclusivity, and extreme jealousy when
the partner is suspected of infidelity. This possessiveness is thought to have
evolved so that an in-love person will compel his or her partner to spurn other
suitors, thereby insuring that the couple's courtship is not interrupted until
conception has occurred.
11. "It's not about
sex"
While
the desire for sexual union is important to people in love, the craving for
emotional union takes precedence.
12. "I feel out of
control"
Fisher
and her colleagues found that individuals who report being "in love"
commonly say their passion is involuntary and uncontrollable.
13. "The spark is
gone"
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