“The
weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” — Mahatma
Gandhi. It’s often said that you should ‘forgive and forget’ other people’s
transgressions, no matter how hard that may be.
Think carefully.
If
this person has suddenly come back into your life and asked for forgiveness, do
not make a rash decision. Tell them you need some time to think about it, and
you will definitely get back to them.
Let go of anger.
In
order to forgive, it is necessary to let go of all the negative emotions you
harbor towards the other person. Anger, hurt, betrayal, bitterness, regret -
you need to find an outlet for all of these bad feelings, otherwise they will
fester and cause you further pain. Remember, you are not doing this to ease the
other person's conscience or to condone their actions; you are doing it to
allow yourself to heal and move forward.
Take some time out of
your day.
Make
sure you're alone, and in an environment that makes you comfortable. If it
helps, cry. Think about what this person did to you, and whether you can trust
them not to do it again.
Contact the person.
It
is better to have a face to face chat, or at least a phone call. Talk to them
about what happened, why you have decided to forgive them, and tell them that
you are giving them your trust once more.
Talk to someone.
Talking
to someone you trust will help you to process your emotions and to gain an
unbiased perspective. Just getting everything off your chest can help you feel
like a weight has been lifted. A friend, a family member, or a therapist can
lend a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Be compassionate with
yourself.
If
you've ruminated over this problem for a long time, steering this boat into a
new direction could take some time, too. As you try to make a new path out of
the dark woods of this old hurt, you'll make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Be
patient and kind to yourself.
Let go of blame.
At
one point or another, we all need to take responsibility for our own behavior.
Maintain perspective.
Try
to gain some perspective by taking a step back and trying to view the situation
from an objective point of view. Did the other person try to hurt you
intentionally? Were there circumstances beyond their control? Have they
attempted to apologize and make things right with you? Try to take everything
into account and to calmly analyze the situation. If you can try to understand
why and how the situation came about in the first place, it will be easier to
forgive.
How to absolve people
and ease your pain?
If
someone bullied you then learn how to become strong, to defend yourself and to
fight back then forgive the other bullies you meet later on.
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