Interesting Conversation Techniques
Active
listening: Interjecting “OK, Uh huh, that’s right, I see” to
communicate that you are paying attention.
Non-verbal
listening: Using your body and eyes to show you are completely
focused on the other person. Avoid “tells” like looking at your watch, letting
your eyes wander around the room, and so on.
Echoing:
Repeating the last word spoken. Client: “So as a result, there’s very high
attrition.” You: “Attrition.” Client: “Yes, we think it’s well above the
industry average. In fact, last year we lost 20% of the sales force.” You:
“20%” Client: “Well, some of it was uncontrollable attrition like retirements,
but…” *
Disclosure: “I
know what you mean—two years ago I also missed a major family event due to a
deadline at work…” Sharing your own experiences, in a non-condescending manner,
can create a more intimate and meaningful dialog. If you are interested in the
psychology of this, look up the “Johari Window,” devised by Ingham and Luft .
The idea is that mutual disclosure—not one person talking and the other simply
listening—leads to empathy and understanding.
Open-ended
questions: “What would it take to get alignment around this
issue?” “What have your past experiences been with outside advisors?” There is
some research which indicates that successful sales executives use more
open-ended than closed-ended questions in the sales process.
Provocative
questions: “Why?” “So what?” “Why are you in this business?” “Why
do you think you need outside help?” Last year, I was referred to an expert on
newsletter marketing. I called him to explore how I might expand the
circulation of Client Loyalty (it’s close to 3000 direct subscribers right now,
and most of the articles are reprinted in other newsletters, giving them closer
to 15,000 or 20,000 readers each month). His first question was, “So Andrew,
why do you want more subscribers? Maybe you should have fewer.” At first I was
irritated, but then I realized that I had not completely thought through what
my goals for the newsletter were. His provocative question made me think.
Provocative
or “turnaround” answers: Client: “So what can you do for us?”
You: “I don’t know” Client: “The CEO is challenging our use of consultants”
You: “I don’t blame him.”*
Questions
about the meaning of words: Client: “This is a very dysfunctional
organization.” You: “What do you mean by ‘dysfunctional?’” Client: “Basically,
we want our relationship managers to up their game and stop playing politics.”
You: “What does ‘playing politics’ mean in your organization?” Don’t assume you
understand exactly what your client means when he or she uses certain terms!
Questions
about the past: “How and when did this start?”
Questions
about the present: “What are you doing now to fix this?”
Questions
about the future: “If this project succeeds, what would
things look like a year from now?”
Personal
questions: “What are your own aspirations in the organization?”
“Who have your mentors been?” Don’t kid yourself—every client gains some
personal value from working with us.
Questions
about feelings: “How did you feel about that decision?”
Usually, we ask about thoughts—“What do you think?” Asking about feelings can
tap into a whole new aspect of the issue.
Use
of humor: Appropriate jokes or quips, self-deprecation, “break
the ice” humor, and so on.
Not
answering: “I don’t know your company well enough to answer that.
I can tell you what I’ll be looking for, however”; “I don’t know. Let me get
back to you.” Saying “I don’t know” can build, not erode, trust.
Questions
about the question: “Let me make sure I understand your
question: Are you asking if it’s a good idea or if it’s feasible?” Or, “I’m
curious about why you’re asking me that…” (Note: be careful not to overuse this
latter technique, which can come across as contrived or evasive if used too
often or at the wrong moment).
Questions
about what is missing: “Is there anything I haven’t asked about
that you think is relevant?
Letting
the client answer provocative questions: You don’t always have to
have the answer! For example: You’re presenting to a group of client
executives. Someone asks the question, “So you’ve demonstrated that our costs
are 20% over the benchmark. I just don’t believe that.” You look at the person
attentively, let your eyes wander to the other meeting participants, and remain
silent for 3-5 seconds. Given the opening (your silence), another executive in
the audience may very well jump in: “Oh come on, we’ve known this for years.
That’s why our operating margins are so bad.” All of a sudden, your clients are
having a healthy debate among themselves, and metaphorically you’re on the same
side of the table. This has happened to me many, many times.
Synthesizing:
“So it seems like there are really three different issues going on here, which
are…” Summarizing, which is what many people do, is boring and tedious to the
other person. Synthesizing shows you are listening but goes further and adds
value through big-picture thinking.
Image Source: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1066564
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