Have you felt that the other people don’t
appreciate you? No problem this article helps you.
If you have children, a spouse, parents, siblings or friends, you
have undoubtedly felt unappreciated. Perhaps you’ve experienced the
following scenario:
You decide to do something nice for someone you love. You buy the
perfect gift, bring home the sweetest trinket, leave the kindest note, or
arrange the best family event. You plot, plan and execute. You stand back
with a smile, ready to watch your loved one’s joy and gratitude.
And they say nothing.
Or perhaps they shrug their shoulders and say, “thanks, that’s
nice” with less enthusiasm than they have for a well-cooked burger.
Or maybe they have the gall to complain. Whine.
Gripe about the service, the size, or the long lines at the amusement park that
you spent your entire savings getting into.
After all of that planning and good intention, you’re left feeling
frustrated and maybe even a little resentful. You ask yourself, “why
do I even bother?”
My people doesn’t appreciate me
From time to time, I’m able to turn my work as a travel blogger
into a free trip or activity for my entire family. Pretty great, right?
And yet on more than one occasion I’ve felt as if I havedragged them
on yet another outing. ”Oh, yes,” I think, “let me apologize for
making you endure a visit to this world renowned attraction. I’m so
sorry!”
I was in the car on the way home from just such a trip recently,
silently fuming in the passenger seat, when I found myself asking, again, “why
do I even bother?”
Why had I arranged this particular outing? What was I
hoping to get?
Of course, I immediately assured myself that I wasn’t trying
to get anything. I do nice things for my family because
I want to do things for them, right? And no, they don’t have to ask,
because I love them and that’s what good people do when they love
someone, damn it!
Then why am I annoyed when I don’t get the response I expect?
If my motives are pure, shouldn’t the simple act of doing something nice
for them fill me with goodness and light, regardless of whether or not I am
appreciated?
Maybe.
Or maybe the problem is that I’m doing things that would
make me feel loved and assuming they will have the same effect
on other people.
There is not one universal list of “acts that make people feel
loved”. take a look on the five “languages” that we use to show each
other affection:
· Words of Affirmation
· Quality Time
· Receiving Gifts
· Acts of Service
· Physical Touch
We each respond differently to these types of acts, and knowing
which language your partner appreciates most is an important part of creating a
relationship in which both people feel lovedand appreciated.
While I learned this concept in marriage counseling, I just
recently noticed how it relates to my relationship with my children. And
my friends. And pretty much everyone else in my life.
There are countless ways to show love, and each of us responds to
those acts – those “love languages” uniquely. Chances are the way you
want to be loved is how you show love, although it may not be what the people
in your life want or need most.
For example, I love to travel. I love doing new things. The
most loving thing anyone could do for me is take me on a trip. But maybe
my five year old would rather I walk her down to the park. Perhaps my son
would really love it if I played the Wii with him for a few hours. I’m
almost certain that my husband would rather have morning sex than take another
trip to Disney World.
Really, why bother?
I’m practicing asking myself this question more frequently and
sincerely.
Am I taking my family to SeaWorld for the afternoon because I want
to spend time with them, or because I want to do something nice for them?
If it’s for me, then I can admit that we’re going because it’s important
to me and ask them to be generally nice and well-behaved; that
dramatically lowers my expectations for praise and thanks.
But if I want to do something nice for them simply because I do,
in fact, enjoy loving up on my loved ones, then I need to make sure I’m
speaking their language. When I want to do something that they
will appreciate - aka enjoy - it’s a good idea
to ask what they would appreciate and do that.
Hope this article will help you...
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