From a very early age, human beings come to understand the
essential need for attachment, but with that comes the understanding of loss. A
sensation that we evolved in order to protect our children, yet we still
continue to experience well into adulthood; also known as loneliness.
The
question that really perplexes people is how even when we have a beautiful
marriage, friends, and a family we still feel this evolutionary survival
technique, called loneliness.
Typically, you would
think that when humans feel lonely, a part of that experience stems from
personal anxiety. Thus the researchers at University College London were
expecting to see abnormalities in brain systems that deal with emotion and
anxiety.
What the bio-psychologists at the UCL Institute of Cognitive
Neuroscience found was slightly different from what we all expected. When we
experience loneliness, the part of the brain that is actually affected is the
areas that deal with social perception, not anxiety.
In the MRI scans, Dr. Ryota Kanai noticed that there was a
significant decrease of gray matter in the lobes dealing with social skills.
What this means, is that it is not our doubts or fears that play into our
sensation of loneliness; instead it is our ability to perceive social
interactions.
Why Do We Feel Lonely Even With Our Loves
So we know why and what areas of the brain are affected when
we feel lonely, but where do our friends and loved ones come into play? This
may surprise many of you, but even extroverts can feel lonely too. And it is
because of our subjective perception of our relationships.
Meaning, it doesn’t matter how many friends you have or how
much they actually love you. Because as long as you perceive those
relationships in a certain way, you will always feel lonely. Think about it,
how many times have you felt lonely even when your loved one sat right next to
you? At one point in every relationship, the talks about subjects that
fascinate you and ignite you, turn into transactional conversations.
Overcoming
Our Lonely Perception
Overcoming loneliness can be one of the most difficult
issues to deal with in your life. As many of you must have heard by now of the
tragic death of Robin Williams.
A perfect example of what it means to “have it all” the
fame, success, a wonderful marriage and even a child on the rise yet still be
burdened by your perceptions.
It is that moment when you feel so low and so alone, that
you need to stop, and evaluate what you’re saying to yourself. Most of us
aren’t used to paying attention to the way we think, even though our perception
is constantly affected by our thoughts.
Once you’re aware of your thoughts, pay close attention to
the shift in your emotions, no matter how small. When you notice yourself
feeling lonely and unworthy of other people’s interests; ask yourself what your
thoughts are saying. Then put your foot down when those thoughts are not
productive to your situation. They may not always stick out or feel illogical,
but if they’re making you feel lonely, then they surely are. Last but not
least, don’t be so hard on yourself.
Stop being the “victim,”emotions are infectious and no one
wants to be around a person who constantly feels less than. You are stronger
than you realize and more significant to other people’s lives than your brain
can accurately perceive.
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