Do you believe you are ready for a relationship, but just
haven't found the right person? Or do you often end up with someone who is
trying to avoid a relationship?
Since we attract
people who are similar to us in their levels of self-abandonment or self-love,
if you keep attracting unavailable partners, it's likely that you are
emotionally unavailable and afraid of relationships.
Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself to
find out:
1. Do
you like the chase more than being in a relationship?
Do you often find yourself attracted to someone who is
playing hard to get, believing you have found "the one?" You pursue
and daydream and fantasize about them, but as soon as they start to show real
interest in you, you find yourself losing interest in them?
2. Do
you give too much at the beginning and wind up feeling trapped?
Are you overly accommodating at the start of a romance, but
then find yourself feeling trapped, used and taken advantage of? Do you give up
your power and just go along with what the other person wants in order to avoid
a conflict?
3. Do
you fall hard at the beginning of what seems like a promising relationship, but
then quickly get bored?
Do you start off by being infatuated with someone, but once
you are exclusive, you become judgmental and critical toward your partner? Does
it seem like they can't do anything right?
4. Do
you have a big fear of losing your freedom?
When you think about being in a committed relationship, do
you feel anxious about losing yourself? Do you have a fear of engulfment — of
being smothered or controlled? Do you stop putting yourself first by believing
you have to give yourself up completely to be loved wholly by another?
5. Do
you feel anxious about getting hurt?
When you think about getting into a committed relationship,
do you feel anxious or fearful about being rejected, betrayed, or losing a
committed partner to death? Does the fear of the loss of your partner feel too
scary to you?
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