For a survey, German students were divided into two groups.
One group answered these two questions:
How many dates did you have last month?
There was no correlation between their happiness and the
number of dates they had. The second group answered the same two questions, but
in the opposite order:
How many dates did you have last month?
How happy are you these days?
As Daniel Kahneman explains in his book, Thinking, Fast and
Slow, it turns out that the ordering of those two questions mattered greatly.
When students were asked about their number of dates first, the correlation
between answers was "about as high as correlations between psychological
measures get."
The reason for this is simple: the dating question framed
the happiness question, but not vice versa. When you think about your happiness
by itself, it's based on your life as a whole (a great number of factors), but
when it follows the dating question, you're almost certainly going to place
more weight on your happiness in the romantic aspect of your life than other
areas.
If a question is difficult to answer, we'll often answer a
related, but easier question without realizing it, according to Kahneman.
That's what the students in the survey did. Instead of objectively evaluating
their happiness in an evenly weighted manner as usual, they seemed to answer
the easier question of, "Are you happy about your romantic life?"
Romance was primed in their minds by the first question.
What interests me is how we can use this brain tendency to
our advantage. Obligation is purposefully thinking about the blessings in your
life. If you're continually or often thinking of the things going well for you,
guess what? Your answer to the "Am I happy?" question — which we all
ask ourselves periodically — will bend more to "yes." But this isn't
just a "cheap" way to think you're happier.
Happiness is a state of mind, and that means your answer to
the question, "Am I happy?" is going to be accurate. In other words,
if you think you're happier, it means you are happier! Happiness is subjective
and completely up to you.
Looking at life broadly, we all have problems and blessings,
at all times. There will never be a time when there's nothing to be thankful
for. There will never be a time when your life is without flaws. This leaves
the decision up to you — which side will you focus on? Will you let your
problems dominate your mind or will you focus on the good things you have now?
So how can you be more grateful? The best solutions are
simple ones. Obligation is as simple and easy as anything, but rarely
practiced.
With pen and paper or in your head, slowly sift through the
categories of your life: finances, relationships, living situation, health,
work life, and family life. When you like your life in a category, take a
moment to zoom in and reflect on it. Think about how fortunate you are to be
doing well in this area. Be grateful for it. That's it. Practice this often,
and you'll be surprised at the difference it makes in your life.
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