Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in
looking outward together in the same direction.
From the initial moment of attraction to growing old
together, here are 10 proved studies that all lovers should have.
1.
Falling in love takes one-fifth of a second
It takes a fifth-of-a-second for the euphoria-inducing
chemicals to start acting on the brain when you are looking at that special
someone.
Brain imaging studies of love suggest that 12 different areas
of the brain are involved.
When looking or thinking about a loved one, these areas
release a cocktail of neurotransmitters across the brain, including oxytocin,
dopamine, vasopressin and adrenaline.
The brain gets a similar ‘hit’ from love as it does from a
small dose of cocaine.
2.
Brain map of love and desire
The first study to look at the neural difference between
love and sexual desire finds remarkable overlaps and distinct differences.
Love is built on top of these circuits, with one key area of
difference being in the striatum. This area of the brain is typically
associated with the balance between higher- and lower-level functions.
3.
Kissing helps us choose
Two new studies of kissing have found that apart from being
sexy, kissing also helps people choose partners–and keep them.
But kissing isn’t just important at the start of a
relationship; it also has a role in maintaining a relationship.
4.
Couples look more similar after 25 years together
People who live with each other for 25 years may develop
similar facial features.
One study has found that over 25 years of marriage the
facial features of couples became more similar, as judged by independent
observers.
5. Long
distance relationships can work
Two factors that help keep long distance relationships alive
are that these couples:
Tell each other more intimate information.
Have a more idealised view of their partner.
As a result, those in long distance relationships often have
similar levels of relationship satisfaction and stability as those who are
geographically close to each other.
6. Four
things that kill a relationship stone dead
There are four things that kills relationships stone dead:
repeated criticism, lots of expressions of contempt like sarcasm, being
defensive and stonewalling, which is when communication almost completely shuts
down.
7.
Modern marriages demand self-fulfilment
The face of marriage has changed significantly over the
years, according to new research.
It used to be more about providing safety and solidity, now
people want psychological fulfilment from their marriages.
More than ever people expect marriage to be more of a
journey towards self-fulfilment and self-actualisation.
Unfortunately in the face of these demands, couples are not
investing sufficient time and effort to achieve this growth.
8. A
simple exercise to save a marriage
If your relationship needs a little TLC, then there may be
no need to go into therapy–watching a few movies together could do the trick.
A new three-year study finds that divorce rates were more
than halved by watching movies about relationships and discussing them
afterwards.
9. The
post-divorce relationship
Even after divorce, relationships don’t necessarily end,
especially if there are children.
A study of co-parenting post-divorce has found it can go one
of five ways, the first three of which are considered relatively functional:
Dissolved duos, where (usually) the father disappears.
Perfect pals, where parents continue to be best friends.
Cooperative colleagues, where couples move on but remain on
a good footing with each other.
Angry associates, where the fighting continues after the
divorce.
10.
It’s the little things
Finally, as we live in a highly commercialised world where
we’re encouraged to think love can be bought and sold, it’s worth remembering
that often it’s the small things that can make a difference.
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