10 Important Things That Every Lover Should Have

Sunday, 15 June 2014 0 comments

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

Every Lover Should have

From the initial moment of attraction to growing old together, here are 10 proved studies that all lovers should have.

1. Falling in love takes one-fifth of a second

It takes a fifth-of-a-second for the euphoria-inducing chemicals to start acting on the brain when you are looking at that special someone.

Brain imaging studies of love suggest that 12 different areas of the brain are involved.
When looking or thinking about a loved one, these areas release a cocktail of neurotransmitters across the brain, including oxytocin, dopamine, vasopressin and adrenaline.

The brain gets a similar ‘hit’ from love as it does from a small dose of cocaine.

2. Brain map of love and desire

The first study to look at the neural difference between love and sexual desire finds remarkable overlaps and distinct differences.

Love is built on top of these circuits, with one key area of difference being in the striatum. This area of the brain is typically associated with the balance between higher- and lower-level functions.

3. Kissing helps us choose

Two new studies of kissing have found that apart from being sexy, kissing also helps people choose partners–and keep them.

But kissing isn’t just important at the start of a relationship; it also has a role in maintaining a relationship.

4. Couples look more similar after 25 years together

People who live with each other for 25 years may develop similar facial features.

One study has found that over 25 years of marriage the facial features of couples became more similar, as judged by independent observers.

5. Long distance relationships can work

Two factors that help keep long distance relationships alive are that these couples:

Tell each other more intimate information.

Have a more idealised view of their partner.

As a result, those in long distance relationships often have similar levels of relationship satisfaction and stability as those who are geographically close to each other.

6. Four things that kill a relationship stone dead

There are four things that kills relationships stone dead: repeated criticism, lots of expressions of contempt like sarcasm, being defensive and stonewalling, which is when communication almost completely shuts down.

7. Modern marriages demand self-fulfilment

The face of marriage has changed significantly over the years, according to new research.
It used to be more about providing safety and solidity, now people want psychological fulfilment from their marriages.

More than ever people expect marriage to be more of a journey towards self-fulfilment and self-actualisation.

Unfortunately in the face of these demands, couples are not investing sufficient time and effort to achieve this growth.

8. A simple exercise to save a marriage

If your relationship needs a little TLC, then there may be no need to go into therapy–watching a few movies together could do the trick.

A new three-year study finds that divorce rates were more than halved by watching movies about relationships and discussing them afterwards.

9. The post-divorce relationship

Even after divorce, relationships don’t necessarily end, especially if there are children.

A study of co-parenting post-divorce has found it can go one of five ways, the first three of which are considered relatively functional:

Dissolved duos, where (usually) the father disappears.

Perfect pals, where parents continue to be best friends.

Cooperative colleagues, where couples move on but remain on a good footing with each other.
Angry associates, where the fighting continues after the divorce.

10. It’s the little things

Finally, as we live in a highly commercialised world where we’re encouraged to think love can be bought and sold, it’s worth remembering that often it’s the small things that can make a difference.

A recent survey of over 4,000 UK adults found that simple acts of kindness are often appreciated the most.
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