Symptoms of Adults who are Shamed in their childhood
Difference Between Blaming and Shaming a Person
Understanding a Shame-Based Personality
There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person.
Blaming is being told you did something wrong. Shaming is being told that
there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or
inadequate. Examples of shaming statements include:
1. “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you”
2. “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.”
3. “You could never do what he/she does”
4. “You’ve ruined my life; you ruin everything for everyone”
Adults shamed in childhood have the following traits:
1. They are afraid to share their true thoughts and feelings
with others.
2. They are terrified of intimacy and put up walls in
relationships. They also fear commitment as they expect to be rejected.
3. They are often extremely shy, easily embarrassed, and are
terrified of being shamed or humiliated. They tend to suffer from debilitating
false guilt.
4. They struggle with feelings of worthlessness and believe
they are inferior to others. They believe that is something they can never
change as worthlessness is at the core of who they are.
5. They often feel ugly and flawed, even when they’re
beautiful – and everyone tells them that.
6. They may be narcissistic and act as if they have it all
together; alternatively, they may be completely selfless, almost to the point
of being a doormat.
7. They are often very defensive and find it hard to bear
the slightest criticism. They feel as if they are being constantly watched and
judged.
8. They have a
pervasive sense of loneliness and always feel like outsiders (even when others
genuinely like and love them).
9. They feel controlled – as if they always have to do want
others want and say – and this blocks spontaneity.
10. They are perfectionists and usually suffer from
performance anxiety. This may also cause them to be procrastinators.
11. They tend to block their feelings through compulsive
behaviors like eating disorders, retail therapy or substance-abuse.
12. They find it hard to establish and enforce healthy
boundaries with others.
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