Connection Between Your Behavior and Your Relationship
The Impacts of Your Relationship
Does Your Relationship Define You?
Being in a relationship can be wonderful and we can really
enjoy the sense of security and purpose that it gives us. But sometimes it can
go too far and you can lose your own identity and become defined by the
relationship. We can begin to lose ourselves and come to define our entire
lives based on being in the relationship. It’s not healthy to have your
relationship consume your identity and your whole life, but rather you should
look for a balance between being an individual and being part of a couple. Here’s
how to tell if your relationship defines you:
1A. You
see yourself only in terms of being “so-and-so’s partner”. We all
have many roles that we play: son, daughter, friend, teammate, partner,
co-worker, as well as being an individual. If you have lost touch with all of
the other areas in your life and see yourself only in terms of being a partner
to your boyfriend/girlfriend then you’re in danger of being defined by the
relationship. First and foremost you are you, and being a partner should only
be one of the many facets that you’re made of.
2A. Your
goals are all relationship oriented. Have you given up on your own
goals or let them fall by the wayside in favor of focusing on your
relationship? If you’re only focused on the future in terms of what you want from
your relationship, then you’ve lost touch with a big part of yourself. It’s
great to have goals as a couple or know what you want from the relationship,
but you need to maintain your own personal and professional goals too.
3A. You
don’t act on your own. If you’re running every decision in your
life by your partner and don’t act on something without thinking about your
relationship, you may be too defined by your relationship. Some choices
definitely require your partner’s input, but you should be able to act on your
own as well and make decisions based solely on what you want. Not everything
should be based on your relationship and your partner.
4A. Your
hobbies all revolve around your partner. Do you only spend your spare
time with your partner, doing the things that they love to do? Your
relationship shouldn’t define what you do in your downtime. It’s definitely fun
to do things together as a couple but you shouldn’t forsake your own hobbies
and interests to only do things that your partner likes.
5A. You’re
not confident on your own. If you use your partner and your
relationship as a crutch to help you feel confident then you are too defined by
your relationship. Maybe you lack confidence in social situations unless your
partner is at your side? Or you might not think that you’re interesting enough
to talk to someone unless you’re talking about your partner or your
relationship? You need to be confident on your own as well as in part of a
couple or you’re headed for disaster. If your confidence is defined by your relationship
you could be headed for trouble if the relationship comes to an end.
6A. You
don’t do anything alone unless your partner is busy. If you
don’t make time to hang out with your friends or do things on your own unless
your partner is busy, then you’re missing out on much needed space and freedom.
You should feel secure enough to make plans with your friends, whether your
partner has other plans or not. Don’t let your relationship define how you
spend your time. Instead, take time apart to recharge your batteries and be
confident that your relationship will still be there when you get back.
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