Psychology
of falling in love
Should i be a nice guy?
I am sure you have been told more than once before that nice
guys finish last when it comes to dating. In my previous article Why nice guys
finish last i explained how the biological makeup of women, and of humans in
general, prevent them from becoming attracted to needy people.
But what exactly happens inside the brain of a woman when
she meets a nice guy?
How do her thoughts change?
And what forces her to make certain decisions about that
person?
In order to be able to leave the perfect impression during
first meetings you first need to understand how the human mind works.
Motivation
and unexpected rewards
Tens of studies were carried out to find out how rewards
motivate people to achieve more and it was found that when the reward becomes
unexpected the person exerts the most effort.
Do you know why people keep gambling and losing their money?
Its because they don't know what the next move might bring
them. Its because they keep dreaming of the big reward. Each time a person
gambles he puts high hopes that he will achieve the goals he is dreaming of.
"What if i got 10,000 dollars in the next
attempt". A thought such as this one keeps the person extremely hooked to
what he is doing.
Now back to women, when you become nice you become extremely
obvious. Your next step can be concluded before you even take it. When she says
a joke you will certainly smile and laugh back. In other words, the reward is
100% expected and this was proven to lower the motivation of people to pursue
you.
Am i
really interesting?
When you meet a person for the first time he might start to
wonder what you think of him even if he was really confident. Now if the person
got that answer very quickly he will stop thinking about it and he will get
bored.
In my previous article Why being mysterious works i
explained how people keep thinking about the questions that they can't answer.
If you don't know what people think of you then you are very likely to keep
thinking about that matter and you are very likely to start approaching them.
As soon as a person starts seeking your approval to find out
whether you liked him or not (even if he wasn't interested in you) then you can
intensify his feelings 10 times more by becoming more mysterious.
Imagine you met an interesting woman, didn't fall in love
with her, but wasn't sure if she found you interesting or not, what will you
do? There is a big possibility that you will try to talk to her again to find
out.
Now if she became more mysterious you might start thinking
about her more and eventually program your mind to like her. After all a
thought that keeps visiting your brain on daily basis might force you to become
attached to someone even if you weren't initially interested in him.
So what does all this has to do with being nice?
When you become nice you become obvious, you let people feel
calm because of having no unanswered questions and as a result they lose interest
and get bored of you.
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