Psychology of Communication
10 Top Communication Mistakes.
Here are the top 10 communication mistakes which gives the
clear view on communication psychology. No one is a perfect communicator,
especially when our emotions are involved. It’s easy to say the wrong thing,
take something the wrong way, or make assumptions that can quickly lead to
disagreements and hurt feelings. Here are 10 of the top communication mistakes
that people make and how to avoid them:
1. Not
talking face to face. Talking over texts or email is fine for minor
conversations, but you should never have an important talk this way. When you
can’t hear someone’s voice, as you can on the phone or in person, it’s all too
easy to mistake their tone and take something the wrong way. When someone says
“fine” or “whatever” in a text message, it’s hard to tell if they’re cheerful
or cold. There are so many subtleties in our tone of voice that can easily lead
a conversation one way or another, and they are missed when you’re dealing in
written communication. Next time you want to have an important conversation,
make sure to do it in person.
2. Assuming
they know what you want. Your partner is not a mind reader, so if
you want them to do something you need to be able to just come right out and
say it. It’s not fair to be mad or sulky because they weren’t able to guess
what you need or want from them. Don’t make the assumption that they will
anticipate your every need – just come out and tell them instead, and there
won’t be any confusion.
3. Generalizing. Avoid
making sweeping generalizations when you’re talking, like, “you never listen to
me”, or, “you always put your needs ahead of mine”. It’s rare that something
will “always” be true, and it only makes the other person defensive. Stick to
the issue at hand and be more specific. Say something else, such as, “You
weren’t listening to me last night and it really bothered me”.
4. Getting
too emotional. Emotions are welcome in conversation, but you
need to be able to control them in order to have a mature conversation that has
a chance of going anywhere. If you burst into tears at the first sign of an
argument or confrontation, it basically shuts down the entire conversation. Or,
if you storm off, start yelling, or fly off the handle it makes it impossible
for the conversation to progress. Learn ways to rein your emotions in so that
you can continue with the conversation and have a chance to resolve the issue.
5. Putting
words in their mouth. Don’t project your thoughts or feelings onto
your partner by putting words into their mouth. It’s not fair to anyone to make
assumptions about what they think and accuse them of feeling something that
they may not be. If you have a thought on something and you want to vocalize
it, just make sure that you assign responsibility of it to yourself instead of
projecting it onto them.
6. Not
thinking before you talk. Blurting things out before you’ve thought
about them is a sure-fire way to put your foot in your mouth, offend someone,
or say something that you don’t mean. Consider your audience before you talk
and take a minute to filter what you’re going to say to eliminate any
potentially hurtful words.
7. Shutting
down. No conversation stands a chance if you won’t let it happen.
If you shut down and refuse to talk then you’re never going to be able to
resolve any issue. Conversations can sometimes be painful or filled with
anxiety, but they need to happen in order to move forward. Refusing to talk
about something is only going to keep you stuck in the same place.
8. Timing
it wrong. Don’t try to have an important conversation when your
partner is preparing for a big presentation, watching the super bowl, or on
their way out the door in a rush. It’s not fair to spring something on them
when they’re distracted, and the conversation won’t go the way you want it to
unless you can both give it your full attention.
9. Rehashing
old stuff. Don’t bring up old grudges or arguments every time you have
a new disagreement. Leave the past in the past and just deal with the issue at
hand, or the conversation will become so drawn out and complicated that neither
of you will even remember what you were talking about in the first place.
10. Not
being clear in the outcome that you want. When you’re asking your
partner to make changes, or do something differently, be specific and let them
know what outcome you want to see happen. If you don’t ask for exactly what you
want then you can’t ever expect to get it. Let them know that you want
something specific to change or to happen so they aren’t just guessing that
they’ve done it right.
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