Impacts of Sex Addiction
Self-Destructive Behaviour in Addiction Prone People
Young couple consults at the psychologist
Self destructive behavior is often hard to fathom. A person who habitually cuts him/herself, a
person who has risky sex with a stranger in a park at night, a person who eats
to the point of being sick; such behaviors make no sense to the average person.
Such behavior can be seen psychologically as an escape, a
coping strategy, a survival skill, or a way to restore emotional equilibrium.
But it is not usually seen by most people as rational. After all it causes, or risks, harming
oneself.
It is clearly non rational in the sense that it is usually
done without consideration of the likely negative consequences, that it is
often done in an impulsive or compulsive way that circumvents logic, and is
often done in response to situations that do not seem to in any way provoke it.
Yet self destructive behavior always has its own logic as
well. Even behavior involving
self-deprivation and self harm are there because they are being used to solve a
problem. This problem solving aspect of the behavior is occurring largely on an
unconscious level and it is a learned response.
Making
sense of the behavior
Much of therapy with sex addicts and with addicts generally,
involves identifying what the “problem” is that the behavior attempts to solve
and unraveling why it is that the person has acquired this particular way of
responding.
Coping
strategies
Most often, self destructive addictive behaviors can be seen
as coping skills that were learned early in life. For example, the person who masturbates
compulsively to pornography may have learned that behavior as a child in a
family situation that was highly stressful.
Often people who later turn out to be sex addicts began coping with
stress and anxiety as children by using masturbation to soothe themselves.
Survival
skills
Often the sexually addictive behavior, or other
self-destructive behavior was learned in childhood as a way to get acceptance
or approval from parents or caregivers.
Many sex addicts see themselves as sex objects and believe that sex is
the way to relate to others and to be seen as worthy. Addiction prone people have often been
victimized in some way in childhood or took on the role of the “black sheep” in
the family. Then in adulthood they will
find ways to get in trouble and get punished in order to fulfill these negative
expectations.
Trauma
repetition
Some self destructive behavior is a reenactment of childhood
trauma, the playing out, either as perpetrator or victim, of what is a familiar
scenario or way of interacting. This
kind of re-enactment serves as a defense mechanism which helps to normalize and
thus suppress the original pain associated with the event.
Conditioned
responses
There is an aspect of “conditioned response” in much self
destructive and additive behavior. When
the person is put in a certain situation that “triggers” the behavior it is a
Pavlovian response that happens on an automatic level as well as being a
physical action.
Emotion
regulation
Self destructive behavior can be a learned way of regulating
emotions. A person who has poor ability
to modulate emotion may feel flooded and unable to cope with feelings any other
way than by reaching for relief in the form of a drug, including an addictive
behavior. Self destructive behavior that
involves self inflicted pain such as cutting, tattooing and over-exercising can
increase the flow of endorphins in the brain and thus relieve the feelings of
distress. Compulsive sexual behavior
also involves internally generated brain chemicals that are called upon to deal
with an emotion.
Unlearning
self-destructiveness
1. Awareness of emotions and regulating of emotional
responses can be learned in therapy one aspect of working with these self
destructive impulses is that of attempting to put some space i.e. some time
between the perception of the stimulus and the response.
2. Systematic desensitization or de-conditioning as
mentioned above is another technique in which people can be helped to uncouple
the triggering situation from the specific behavior, much the way a person can
gradually be desensitized to a phobia.
3. Negative behaviors that were used as survival skills in
childhood can be seen for what they are when the person is able to understand
the dysfunctional patterns in their family of origin.
4. Becoming aware of and experiencing the repressed emotions
associated with traumatic experiences can remove the need to re-enact the
experience. Once the pain is fully felt
and expelled there is no longer a need to defend against it with old behavior
patterns.
Understanding that the behavior is learned, and is a logical
but archaic response to a situation can help the person to begin to explore
their ways of dealing with everyday feelings of anxiety and stress as
well. In therapy they can learn to
identify the feelings as they happen and begin to practice new ways of dealing
with them.
Post a Comment