A1.
Boss and Subordinate: This is where the mother wants to dominate and
control every aspect of her daughter’s life. She’s always giving her opinion,
making demands, and requiring her daughter to follow her rules, or live up to
the expectations she has set. She’s also rigid, harsh and may lack empathy.
Although the daughter may comply in her younger years, she is quietly resentful
and will likely rebel – either strongly and loudly, or in a more passive way. She
may feel she must be “perfect”, have low self-esteem and fear rejection and
judgement by others.
A2.
Rivals: This is where the mother sees her daughter as a rival or
threat so she’s always in competition with her. Thus, instead of seeing each
other as completely separate people, and allowing each other to simply be
themselves, the mother and daughter are constantly comparing themselves to see
which one is thinner, smarter, prettier or more successful in life. This is
usually done in a fun-loving way, and the bond they share is understanding and
strong. However, it can lead to a
feeling of not being seen, valued and accepted as they are – and
unconditionally.
A3. The
Role-Reversal Relationship: This is where the mother expects her
daughter to be there to support and bolster her. She has no concern for her
daughter’s needs as her focus is ensuring her daughter nurtures her. This is
clearly unhealthy as the daughter feels abandoned, and grows up feeling
neglected and used. As a child, the
daughter’s learned she must sacrifice herself and only think others, and their
needs and preferences. This can lead to being a doormat, and to low
self-esteem.
A4.
Bosom Buddies: This is where the mother wants to be her
daughter’s best friend. The relationship is usually warm and close, and the
mother prides herself on always being there to emotionally support and advise
her daughter. Communication is open, honest and real – which can start to feel
threatening as the daughter gets older and wants to erect appropriate
boundaries. In this type of mother-daughter bond, the mothers lives vicariously
through her daughter and find it hard to discipline appropriately (as she’s too
enmeshed with her daughter’s life).
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