Do you know what kind of people are known as people
pleasers?
Here is the some information about the people pleasers.
Do you always give in, or let other people choose, or hide
what you think, or never ask to have your way? Perhaps you fear disapproval or
disappointing others, and the last thing you want is to make somebody mad. If
this profile describes you then you may be a people pleaser … and maybe it is
time to stand up for yourself. Below are some tips that can help you with this:
How to
Stop Being a People Pleaser
A1.
Think of five occasions when you’ve said or done something that didn’t really
match up with your own wants and needs – but you ignored those in order to
please somebody else. Now, take the time to think through what else
you could have done to get what you wanted, instead of caving in. Ask yourself
“What is the worst thing that could possibly have happened? What were my worst
fears, and were they realistic fears?”
A2.
Examine your fears in a balanced way. Would it really be so awful if
a friend got annoyed? Do you need that type of person? What if they walk away?
There are lots of other people who won’t demand compliance but will accept and
respect you for who, and what, you are.
A3.
Look at your ability to set boundaries. Ask yourself, “What requests
and behaviours are unacceptable to me?” Can you separate what’s normal from
what’s unreasonable? Do you know what it feels like to be treated with respect?
Are you able to say “no” and enforce good boundaries?
A4.
Look at your background and your family life. A lot of people
pleasers were raised in families that expected full compliance – so their needs
were not considered. Instead, they were expected to join in, to keep their
feelings to themselves, to do what others wanted, and not ask for anything.
A5.
Don’t look to others for your self-esteem. It is good to be kind
and to think of other people – but you must do that out of choice not a need
for approval. And if you let other people determine your self-worth then you’ll
never be free to a unique individual.
A6.
Learn to say “no” without explaining yourself. Don’t think of
explanations, or justify yourself, or explain your different reasons, or ask to
be excused. You’ll be surprised to discover people rarely take offense - and
the people who do are not the ones you want to please!
A7.
Start to ask for what you want. Start to share your opinions,
desires and ideas. Begin to make some requests, and to disagree with others.
We’re all individuals with different preferences and healthy relationships are
based on give and take.
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