Characteristics that we observed in most Families

Birth Order

The following traits and characteristics are typically observed in most families - for only, first born, second, middle of three children and youngest children. However, there are always exceptions to the rule!

Only Children

- More spoiled and indulged.

- Enjoys being the center of attention.

- May feel special, or better than, other children. May appear to be aloof.

 - Tend to be more self-centered and self-absorbed.

- Expects to be listened to, and get their own way.

 - May be less co-operative and adaptable.

 - Uses “divide and conquer” tactics to get their own way.

- Often, very driven, focused and (ultimately) successful; high achievers.

- As children, relate better to adults than peers.

First Born Children

- Is used to being the center of attention.

- Feels they should gain superiority over others.

- Usually believes that they are right.

- Has controlling tendencies.

- Generally seeks attention through conforming to the wishes and expectations of authority figures. Is eager to please. If this doesn’t work, will be rebellious and non-conformist.

- Tends to be highly competent, focused, diligent, hard working, responsible and reliable.

-  May strive to help, and to protect the rights of, others.

-  Is  generally successful, and a high achiever.

Second Children

- May feel they are never fully recognised and appreciated.

- Are continually trying to catch up and be noticed in their own right.

- Tends to have the opposite traits to the first born in their family, and to develop abilities that are not exhibited by the first child.

- May be rebellious.

- May be less driven, more laid back and less success oriented.

- May lack self-confidence or suffer from low self-esteem.

Middle of Three Children

- Often feels that life is unfair, or feels unwanted, unnoticed and unloved.

- Feels as if they don’t really have a place in their family.

- May be seen as/ adopt the role of “problem child”.

 - Is flexible and adaptable.

- Usually has good relationship skills (are good listeners, are patient, have excellent negotiation skills, are empathic, understanding and compassionate.)

Youngest Children

- Has many of the traits of an only child.

 - Tends to feel that others are more capable and competent.

- Expects others to take the initiative, make decisions and assume responsibility.

- May not be taken seriously, and may feel as if they are never taken seriously.

- Skilled at getting others to help them, and to getting their own way.

- May struggle with feelings of inferiority.

- More laid back, light hearted, amusing and entertaining, creative and unself-conscious.

- Often affectionate and charming.

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