The following guidelines are useful when counselling
children and adolescents:
1. It is crucial that the child or adolecent feels
unconditionally accepted, valued and respected by the counsellor. Only then,
can trust be established.
(Note: Often young people live in highly reactive and
unpredictable environments, where love and acceptance are conditional, and
where rejection and criticism are the norm. In contrast to this, the counsellor
should model healthy, affirming relationships.).
2. The type and quality of relationship are key to
effective counselling. Thus, the counsellor should be experienced as being
warm, caring, accepting, empathic and trustworthy.
3. Children and adolecents are highly sensitive and
extremely intuitive. They can pick read subtle nonverbal messages, and sense
what other people are thinking and feeling. Thus, they are quick to recognise a
lack of sincerity, boredom, disinterest, impatience, irritation, judgment and
dislike.
4. Counsellors must seek to create an environment of both
safety and permissiveness. This allows the young person to feel free to
explore, and to express themselves in an authentic way.
5. The counsellor must convey the message: “I accept you
as you are”, and not “I accept you if …” This does not mean that there are no
therapeutic limits or that all behaviours are acceptable. However, none of this
impacts on the uniqueness and value of the individual child or adolescent.
6. Be alert to the danger of children and adolescents
trying to please the counsellor. This can hamper the therapeutic process by
preventing the client from being real, and from exploring negative thoughts,
feelings and behaviours.
7. It is important that the counsellor seeks to
understand the younger client’s world from their unique perspective. For the
more children feel that they are understood, the more likely they are to open
up and share.
8. It is usually unhelpful to offer reassurances. (For
example, “Everything will be alright/ Your mom really does love you.”) This can
send the message that the counsellor does not want to hear about the young
person’s pain – or that negative emotions are unacceptable.
9. It is important to not come across as patronising, and
to help the young person find their own solutions (rather than suggesting ideas
yourself.)
10. The therapeutic process is often slow and gradual –
so be willing to accept the young client’s pace.
11. Beware of creating a dependency as this will
undermine the young person’s growth.
12. Accommodate and work with cultural differences.
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