These principles underlie the workings in real life of
interpersonal communication. They are basic to communication. We can't ignore
them.
1. Interpersonal
communication is inescapable
We can't not communicate. The very attempt not to
communicate communicates something. Through not only words, but through tone of
voice and through gesture, posture, facial expression, etc., we constantly
communicate to those around us. Through these channels, we constantly receive
communication from others. Even when you sleep, you communicate. Remember a
basic principle of communication in general: people are not mind readers.
Another way to put this is: people judge you by your behavior, not your intent.
2. Interpersonal
communication is irreversible
You can't really take back something once it has been
said. The effect must inevitably remain. Despite the instructions from a judge
to a jury to "disregard that last statement the witness made," the
lawyer knows that it can't help but make an impression on the jury. A Russian
proverb says, "Once a word goes out of your mouth, you can never swallow
it again."
3. Interpersonal
communication is complicated
No form of communication is simple. Because of the number
of variables involved, even simple requests are extremely complex. Theorists
note that whenever we communicate there are really at least six
"people" involved: 1) who you think you are; 2) who you think the
other person is; 30 who you think the other person thinks you are; 4) who the
other person thinks /she is; 5) who the other person thinks you are; and 6) who
the other person thinks you think s/he is.
We don't actually swap ideas, we swap symbols that stand
for ideas. This also complicates communication. Words (symbols) do not have
inherent meaning; we simply use them in certain ways, and no two people use the
same word exactly alike.
Osmo Wiio gives us some communication maxims similar to
Murphy's law (Osmo Wiio, Wiio's Laws--and Some Others (Espoo, Finland:
Welin-Goos, 1978):
- If communication can fail, it will.
- If a message can be understood in different ways, it will be understood in just that way which does the most harm.
- There is always somebody who knows better than you what you meant by your message.
- The more communication there is, the more difficult it is for communication to succeed.
These tongue-in-cheek maxims are not real principles;
they simply humorously remind us of the difficulty of accurate communication.
(See also A commentary of Wiio's laws by Jukka Korpela.)
Interpersonal
communication is contextual
In other words, communication does not happen in
isolation. There is:
- Psychological context, which is who you are and what you bring to the interaction. Your needs, desires, values, personality, etc., all form the psychological context. ("You" here refers to both participants in the interaction.)
- Relational context, which concerns your reactions to the other person--the "mix."
- Situational context deals with the psycho-social "where" you are communicating. An interaction that takes place in a classroom will be very different from one that takes place in a bar.
- Environmental context deals with the physical "where" you are communicating. Furniture, location, noise level, temperature, season, time of day, all are examples of factors in the environmental context.
- Cultural context includes all the learned behaviors and rules that affect the interaction. If you come from a culture (foreign or within your own country) where it is considered rude to make long, direct eye contact, you will out of politeness avoid eye contact. If the other person comes from a culture where long, direct eye contact signals trustworthiness, then we have in the cultural context a basis for misunderstanding.
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