Here are the 15 Styles of Distorted Thinking
Overgeneralization: You
come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence.
If something bad happens once, you expect it to happen over and over again.
'Always' and 'never' are cues that this style of thinking is being utilized.
This distortion can lead to a restricted life, as you avoid future failures
based on the single incident or event.
Mind
Reading: Without their saying so, you know what people are
feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to divine
how people are feeling toward you. Mind reading depends on a process called
projection. You imagine that people feel the same way you do and react to
things the same way you do. Therefore, you don't watch or listen carefully
enough to notice that they are actually different. Mind readers jump to
conclusions that are true for them, without checking whether they are true for
the other person.
Catastrophizing: You expect disaster.
You notice or hear about a problem and start "what if's." What if
that happens to me? What if tragedy strikes? There are no limits to a really
fertile catastrophic imagination. An underlying catalyst for this style of
thinking is that you do not trust in yourself and your capacity to adapt to
change.
Filtering:
You take the negative details and magnify them, while filtering out all
positive aspects of a situation. A single detail may be picked out, and the
whole event becomes colored by this detail. When you pull negative things out
of context, isolated from all the good experiences around you, you make them
larger and more awful than they really are.
Polarized
Thinking: The hallmark of this distortion is an insistence on
dichotomous choices. Things are black or white, good or bad. You tend to
perceive everything at the extremes, with very little room for a middle ground.
The greatest danger in polarized thinking is its impact on how you judge
yourself. For example-You have to be perfect or you're a failure.
Personalization:
This is the tendency to relate everything around you to yourself. For example,
thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. You
also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who's smarter, better
looking, etc. The underlying assumption is that your worth is in question. You
are therefore continually forced to test your value as a person by measuring
yourself against others. If you come out better, you get a moment's relief. If
you come up short, you feel diminished. The basic thinking error is that you
interpret each experience, each conversation, each look as a clue to your worth
and value.
Control
Fallacies: There are two ways you can distort your sense of power
and control. If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a
victim of fate. The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the
pain and happiness of everyone around you. Feeling externally controlled keeps
you stuck. You don't believe you can really affect the basic shape of your
life, let alone make any difference in the world. The truth of the matter is
that we are constantly making decisions, and that every decision affects our
lives. On the other hand, the fallacy of internal control leaves you exhausted
as you attempt to fill the needs of everyone around you, and feel responsible
in doing so (and guilty when you cannot).
Fallacy
of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you
know what's fair, but other people won't agree with you. Fairness is so
conveniently defined, so temptingly self-serving, that each person gets locked
into his or her own point of view. It is tempting to make assumptions about how
things would change if people were only fair or really valued you. But the
other person hardly ever sees it that way, and you end up causing yourself a
lot of pain and an ever-growing resentment.
Blaming:
You hold other people responsible for your pain, or take the other tack and
blame yourself for every problem. Blaming often involves making someone else
responsible for choices and decisions that are actually our own responsibility.
In blame systems, you deny your right (and responsibility) to assert your
needs, say no, or go elsewhere for what you want.
Global
Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities (in yourself or
others) into a negative global judgment. Global labeling ignores all contrary
evidence, creating a view of the world that can be stereotyped and
one-dimensional. Labeling yourself can have a negative and insidious impact
upon your self-esteem; while labeling others can lead to snap-judgments, relationship
problems, and prejudice.
Being
Right: You feel continually on trial to prove that your
opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to
any length to demonstrate your rightness. Having to be 'right' often makes you
hard of hearing. You aren't interested in the possible veracity of a differing
opinion, only in defending your own. Being right becomes more important than an
honest and caring relationship.
Shoulds:
You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act.
People who break the rules anger you, and you feel guilty if you violate the
rules. The rules are right and indisputable and, as a result, you are often in
the position of judging and finding fault (in yourself and in others). Cue
words indicating the presence of this distortion are should, ought, and must.
Emotional
Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be
true-automatically. If you feel stupid or boring, then you must be stupid and
boring. If you feel guilty, then you must have done something wrong. The
problem with emotional reasoning is that our emotions interact and correlate
with our thinking process. Therefore, if you have distorted thoughts and
beliefs, your emotions will reflect these distortions.
Fallacy
of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if
you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your
hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them. The truth is the only
person you can really control or have much hope of changing is yourself. The
underlying assumption of this thinking style is that your happiness depends on
the actions of others. Your happiness actually depends on the thousands of
large and small choices you make in your life.
Heaven's
Reward Fallacy: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial
to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score. You fell bitter when the
reward doesn't come as expected. The problem is that while you are always doing
the 'right thing,' if your heart really isn't in it, you are physically and
emotionally depleting yourself.
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